Motherhood: Breaking Generational Cycles: Raising Children Differently (6)

Breaking the Cycle of Comparing our children with their peers.

Hello Great Mothers!

“Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

“Your sister never caused this much trouble.”

“Why can’t you be as intelligent as Emma in your class, does he have two heads?’’

Many of us have said these words with good intentions—to motivate our children to do better. But comparing them to siblings, friends, or classmates does more harm than good. It affects their self-esteem, mental health, and confidence.

The Harmful Effects of Comparison

We all desire that our children succeed, and we wish that our children are better than their mates, but comparing them with others undermines their personality, it makes them feel inadequate. Instead of recognizing their unique strengths, they withdraw, believing they can never measure up. This can lead to:

1) Low self-esteem: Feeling they are never good enough.

2) Rivalvory and resentment; Unhealthy competition among siblings or peer

3) Emotional distance: Feeling disconnected from parents.

4) Rebellion: Acting out due to frustration and feeling unappreciated.

How can this cycle of parenting style be broken?

This cycle of parenting can be broken, and raise each child in a way that will motivate them to discover their unique qualities and build them. We can

1) Recognize and Celebrate each Child’s Strengths

Every child is unique—some are athletic, some artistic, some outspoken, and others introspective. Instead of wishing they were different, affirm their strengths: “I love how creative you are” or “You have such a kind heart.”.

2) Avoid Comparisons, Focus on Personal Growth

Change “Why can’t you get all A’s like your brother?” with “I see you’re working hard—keep going, and you’ll get there.” This encourages self-improvement instead of competition.

3) Promotes Teamwork, Not Rivalry

Encourage your children to support one another- shared chores, family projects, or appreciation days.

A family that works together grows together, through collaborative projects, doing house chores together, sibling appreciation days, or shared responsibilities. When children see their family as a team, they develop lifelong bonds rather than rivalries.

Every child deserves to feel special, let’s nurture our children into their best selves by shifting from comparison to encouragement.

Note: Children don’t need to compete for their parents’ love—they need to know they are valued exactly as they are.

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