A leading divorce lawyer has outlined the primary reasons why marriages fail.
According to James J. Sexton, all marital issues arise from one of two things: someone doesn’t know what they want or how to ask for it.
He also cites job loss for men as a major cause of divorce in many cases.
When it comes to s*x – or lack thereof – he believes it is more often a symptom of marital issues than a cause.
“S*x is a thing that is definitional to a romantic relationship,” he told the Diary of a CEO podcast. “Will it always be the same? Will it always stay at the same level of importance? No. But is it a great canary in the coal mine? So something’s off with the s*x now and tragedy’s not far behind? Yes!”
He also stated that infidelity is a key reason for divorce.
He said: “Both men and women cheat with a tremendous amount of frequency… I don’t think that you could really say one [gender] does it more than the other. But I think that more men are accused of having ruined the relationship by cheating than women are.”
Among his wealthy clientele, many men develop a “fascination” with their children’s nanny, which leads to the necessity for a divorce lawyer.
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He continued: “The nanny has a lot of the characteristics of the wife; she’s good with the kids she’s there to be supportive to the husband. She’s a helpmate – but without any of the autonomy… she’s an employee at the end of the day, which is a much simpler relationship.”
Money is another point of contention for couples, including wealthy couples.
“Money is power,” he said. “It’s not uncommon that people are dishonest with themselves and with each other about money.”
When men lose their jobs, it can lead to marital problems.
He continued: “I see a tremendous number of divorces when husband and wife are both working and the husband loses his job… it sends them spiralling into a depression.
“They’ve lost this job and it’s of how they define themselves in the traditional masculine gender role – a provider and a protector.”
James continued: “I’ve seen a lot of women that when their spouse loses the job and they become the breadwinner, they find that very unappealing.”
While most women are content with a husband who is an earner or even an economic equal, James argues that caring for a man financially is “uncomfortable” for many wives.
He added: “I would love it if they kept statistics on these kinds of things but I can tell you in my practice I’ve seen plenty of women lose their jobs, and it has no impact on the marriage. When men lose their job in a heteros*xual male-female marriage it has disastrous consequences a great deal of the time.”
A Gentle Reminder: Every obstacle is a stepping stone, every morning; a chance to go again, and those little steps take you closer to your dream.
Nnamdi Okoli
