Motherhood: Breaking Generational Cycles: Raising Children Differently (4)

Hello Great Mothers!

In most homes then, obedience was not an option—it was a requirement. Children’s obedience was based on what the parents said and not what they did; “Because I said so.” “Do as I say, not as I do.”

According to our parents then, children do not have a say in the home; “Children should be seen, not heard.” The mantras of parenting then were fear-based, where children were strictly disciplined to ensure compliance- but at what cost?

Breaking the Cycle of Fear-Based Parenting: Respectful Parenting

Fear-based parenting involves using fear to control children’s behaviour, and instill good behaviour. It entails always using punishments for bad behaviour, and intimidation to ensure obedience

Though this approach may create well-behaved children on the surface, it often affects their self-confidence, emotional security, and ability to think critically.

Many adults who grew up under parenting struggle to make decisions, speak up for themselves or challenge unfair treatment. Now, as parents, we have the opportunity to break this cycle and raise children who respect us—not out of fear, but out of love, trust, and mutual understanding.

Children raised with this approach are indirectly raised with the mindset that their thoughts, opinions, and emotions don’t matter. This can lead to:

1) Low self-esteem

The constant fear of punishment can make children lose confidence in themselves, i.e. doubt their worth and capabilities.

Also Read: Motherhood- Nurturing Tomorrow’s Leaders with Love (2)

2) Poor decision-making skills

When kids aren’t allowed to think for themselves, they grow into adults who struggle to trust their judgment.

3) Risk of Blind Obedience:

Instead of seeing authority as guidance, they may see it as something to fear or blindly obey, even in unhealthy situations.

4) Rebellion or secrecy –

Some children conform outwardly but rebel in secret, i.e. lying or hiding their mistakes rather than seeking help. Discipline should teach, not terrify. Respect is earned, not demanded.

We shall discuss how this cycle can be broken in the next article.

Note: Motherhood is more than an obligation—it’s a legacy of love, strength, and purpose that lasts beyond a lifetime

Bye!