Marriage is not a do-or-die affair. Marriage dissolution is never pleasant, but there are instances when it is necessary to file for divorce and move on to better things.
The Catholic Church, which has significant sway over Philippine society and opposes divorce as being against its teachings, is the only institution outside of the Vatican that forbids divorce, and the Philippines is the only country outside of that to do so.
The ban, according to many who support legalizing divorce, makes it difficult to leave violent or other abusive marriages or even for couples to end their relationship amicably.
People who want to end their marriage can approach a court for an annulment or a statement that the marriage was always invalid, but the government has the right to appeal those rulings.
The legal process is slow and expensive — cases can cost as much as $10,000 or more in a country plagued by poverty — with no guarantee of success, and some people seeking a faster result fall for online scams.
“I don’t understand why it has to be this difficult,” said Sibonga, who has spent 11 years trying to get out of a marriage that her parents forced her into after she became pregnant.
Sibonga’s legal battle began in 2012 when she applied to a court to cancel her marriage based on her husband’s alleged “psychological incapacity,” one of the grounds for terminating matrimony.
After five years and $3,500 in legal fees, a judge finally agreed. The former domestic worker’s relief was, however, short-lived.
The Office of the Solicitor General, which as the government’s legal representative is tasked with protecting the institution of marriage, successfully appealed the decision in 2019.
Sibonga said she requested the Court of Appeals to reverse its ruling but is still waiting for an answer.
“Why are we, the ones who experienced suffering, abandonment, and abuse, being punished by the law?” said Sibonga, 45, who lives near Manila.
“All we want is to be free.”
The most powerful opponent to divorce in the Philippines is the Catholic Church, which is also against abortion and contraceptives.
Around 78 percent of the country’s 110 million people are Catholic, according to official census data, and many politicians are wary of contradicting the Church on sensitive social issues. But Congress has scored significant wins in recent years.
A controversial birth control law was passed in 2012, despite strong opposition from the Church. And in 2018, majority and opposition parties in the House of Representatives approved a divorce bill that later stalled in the Senate. It was the first time such a proposal had got that far.
Surveys conducted by polling company Social Weather Stations show a shift in Philippine attitudes toward divorce.
In 2005, 43 percent of Filipinos supported legalizing divorce “for irreconcilably separated couples,” while 45 percent disagreed. The same survey in 2017 showed 53 percent in favor, while only 32 percent disagreed.
A group of lawmakers is now leading a fresh push to legalize divorce, with several bills filed in the House and the Senate.
“We are not destroying any marriage,” said Edcel Lagman, a congressman, and author of one of the bills.
Lagman said divorce was for “dysfunctional marriages beyond repair” and legalizing it would enable women and their children to escape “intolerant and abusive husbands.”
Before he was elected, President Ferdinand Marcos said the country should consider allowing divorce, but insisted it should not be easy.
The burdensome process for getting a court order to end a marriage has spawned online scams offering to secure a quick ruling without time-consuming court appearances.
AFP fact-checkers found numerous Facebook posts spreading false information about the legal process for annulment to attract clients, underscoring a growing global trend of fraudsters profiting off disinformation.
One victim said she was charged the equivalent of $2,400 for an annulment service that turned out to be fake. She is now considering converting to Islam in the hope of securing a divorce under Muslim law.
“I’m trying every possible option just to be single again,” she said on the condition of anonymity.
“Annulment takes so long, it’s so expensive and it’s not guaranteed, so I’m seeking a more convenient way.”
Family law specialist; Katrina Legarda said the number of people falling for bogus services showed there was a “dire need” for new legislation.
But Father Jerome Secillano, of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, said the nation should be “proud” to be the only country outside the Vatican “holding on to the traditional concept of marriage.”
“There will always be imperfections in a relationship,” he said.
Secillano said divorcing an abusive partner would “perpetuate the violence” because the perpetrator would go on to abuse their next partner.
“You are not actually curing the disease itself,” he said.
Sibonga was raised a Catholic, but stopped attending church to avoid accusations of adultery. She has a long-term boyfriend, but cannot tie the knot with him until her first marriage is legally terminated.
That her case has dragged on for so long is not unusual in the Philippines, where a creaky justice system can take years to resolve even minor issues.
“People think that because I am still technically married, I’m a sinner,” she said.
“They really believe that what God has united cannot be separated. Really? Even if your husband is trying to kill you, even after everything he’s done, divorce is still not allowed?“
Sibonga said her relationship with her husband had been traumatic and had pushed her to attempt suicide twice. She does not want her children to marry until divorce is allowed.
“I told them they can cohabitate and have as many children as they want, but I won’t ever consent to them getting married. I just don’t want them to end up like me,” she said.